Subaru's 'Love Campaign' Inspires Local Man To Marry His Outback
Randy Schultz, a customer service representative from Yonkers, New York took Subaru's 'Love' advertising campaign to new heights yesterday when he married his 2015 Subaru Outback in quiet ceremony at a high-end parking lot.
"I met 'Charlene' at Big Bob McKay's Subaru in Paramus, New Jersey" Mr. Schultz said while gassing up his new wife. "And with a 108.3 inch wheelbase, she immediately caught my eye because
I've always been attracted to rubenesque women. But after taking Charlene to a car wash," Mr. Schulz added while checking the love of his life's washer-fluid, "I finally realized how beautiful she was and concluded a 2015 Subaru Outback was the gal for me."
And who wouldn't want a wife like Charlene? The 2015 Subaru Outback 2.5i Limited comes standard with all all-wheel drive, automatic transmission, traction control, power moonroof, fog lights and dual-zone automatic climate control - all with an average 32 miles per gallon.
"But as with all newlyweds," Mr. Shultz said later that day while getting Charlene a lube job, "Charlene and I have our fair share of quarrels. For example, she locks her car horn when I put her into a 'no-parking' zone or let her insurance lapse or don't regularly check her tire pressure. And I get pissed off at Charlene when she won't turn over on cold mornings, manages to find every single pothole in town - and oh my god - when she turns on her 'engine light' for absolutely no freaking reason at all? I swear to god I want to put 5 pounds of sugar in her gas tank."
"And remaining faithful to each also has its challenges" Mr. Shultz said later that evening while on a date with her wife on a highway. "For instance, Charlene will catch me looking at a totally hot Nissan 350Z convertible, and Charlene won't let me release her parking break if she catches the eye of a good-looking guy. But you know what?" Mr. Shultz happily concluded, "Whenever we're mad at each other, I get Charlene something like splash guards and she'll up her torque - and everything is okay again."
"But when all is said and done," Mr. Shultz said a few moments later as he parked Charlene into his garage. "I genuinely have a deep love for my wife, proven when I regularly Armor All her tires, was there for her when her timing chain was in question and went above and beyond the New York State limit for liability coverage - all for a car that gives and gives and gives and wants nothing in return except for an occasional oil change.
"And a milestone is around the corner" Mr. Shultz said while seductively caressed Charlene's rear spoiler. "My wife and I are 174.8 miles away from celebrating our 12 thousand mile anniversary. And to celebrate the occasion, I'm going to finally heat the garage. But don't tell Charlene anything about it" Mr. Shultz added. "It's going to be a surprise."