Vladimir Putin's “Worse Than Prostitutes” Remark Angers America's Streetwalkers
When Russian President Vladimir Putin (right) recently said those who spread "fake news" about President Donald Trump are "worse than prostitutes", street-walkers across
America lambasted the leader for defaming America's "hard working" hookers.
"He's a commie ****sucker for what that pirogi-eating fool said," claimed Kandi Kane, a hooker who works the Hunts Point District in NYC.
Moments later, while arguing with a John over the price of a 'Cleveland Steamer', Miss Kane added "So that fish-eyed mo-fo better watch his pinko shaggy ass if he ever comes looking for some trim in this neighborhood."
Misty May (right), a whore from LA's Skid Row who likes to smoke crack then pole dance on street signs, was also distressed over Mr. Putin's comments.
"The stupid President of China should watch his mouth," she said while being removed from a street sign pole. So anyway," Miss May added, "..does anybody here want a date? My rates start at $3 dollars."
Shangela (left), a call girl from San Antonio, TX who caters to men who enjoy plus size women, took Mr. Putin's comments especially hard.
"In the field of prostitution," she said while ordering $90 dollars worth of food at a local Applebee's. "I happen to be a specialist, so my trade needs to be respected. And as far as Putin is concerned," Shangela went on to say, "..as far as I know, he probably sucked off Rasputin."
The Reverend Crash Flava Shizzle (right), a pimp from Baton Rouge, LA had a different take on the true meaning behind Mr. Putin's remarks.
"The comment made by the President of Russia wasn't aimed at my bitches," Mr. Shizzle asserted while adjusting the curb feelers of his Rolls-Royce. "It was a thinly veiled attack on American pimps. How do I know this? Because I'm a textualist who can read behind the lines."
Later that day, while slapping around one of his prostitutes for not taking on an entire rugby team at once, Mr. Shizzle added "So all the Slick Daddy Miracle's, Ass Master Slinga's and Gran Professor Fly's of the world best be on the lookout 'cause Putin is out to blast the scene, grab your ho's and step on the money."
Spoofeteria attempted to reach Mr. Putin to comment on this article, but he was busy planning the invasion of Lithuania, updating his poison collection and arranging the murders of an additional 17 journalists.