An Actor Find His 'Political Cause'
Actors in Hollywood are known for their activism; Bono made aids prevention in Africa a priority, Angelina Jolie dedicates time to UNICEF and George Clooney continues to battle the genocide occurring in the Darfur region of Sudan.
And yesterday, Neil Patrick Harris (right), the former "Doogie Howser, M.D." star and current 'man about town', hoped on to the 'celebrity cause bandwagon' by lobbying The Atomic
Scientists' Science & Security Board (the organization that moves the
Doomsday Clock 'back' or 'further' towards Armageddon) to replace their chronograph with a more fashionable timepiece.
Our current Doomsday Clock (left) is a fashion faux pas worst than nuclear Armageddon itself," Mr. Harris said while on the red carpet for a 'Save the Norwegian
Muskrat' fundraiser. "Because it doesn't have a decorative case, any chimes or a single speckle of gold trim, making it a drab and dreary Orwellian timepiece unable to co-exist with any decor imaginable, which is why I need two glasses of champagne and a Xanax just to look at the damn thing..
So I've taken the entire matter into my own hands," Mr. Harris added while blowing a kiss towards Roseanne Barr "..by having celebrity clockmaker George Michael Wayne completely redesign the Doomsday Clock..
And the new timepiece (right) is amazing. It's an 'Early American' mantel clock with a peacock resting on it, with its colorful tail sashaying along the clock face, making it flamboyant and austere at the same time - all
while never intruding upon the significance of that whole 'end of the world' thing."
Professor Horace Klump III (left), the Chairman of the The Atomic Scientists' Science and Security Board, was quick to respond to Mr. Harris' comments.
"It is unequivocally preposterous that that there are those who are more concerned with vanity
than the demise of man," he said while taking three Tylenol. Therefor," Mr. Klump added, Neil Patrick Harris and George Michael Wayne are two intolerable simpletons whose insidious brand of idiocy alone is enough to set the Doomsday Clock an additional two minutes towards Armageddon. And lastly," the Nobel Prize winner in Physics asserted, "We are already in a 'Doomsday' scenario so long as two troglodytes like Mr. Harris and Mr. Wayne are permitted to walk the earth."
"That Professor needs to remove himself from my gaydar screen." said celebrity clockmaker George Michael Wayne (right) in response to Mr. Klump's remarks. "And if you want to talk about a real Doomsday?" he added. "Try being on Fire Island with nothing to wear but white after Labor Day. And what's wrong with
dazzling up that muffy old 'Doomsday Clock' with a little savoir-faire anyway? Have you seen that monstrosity? It looks like it was put together by the Foundation for the Blind..
And getting back to Professor Klump," Mr. Wayne added while listening to a Taylor Swift CD and waxing his legs. "I'll bet you a Chanel Bag filled with ecstasy that he's gayer than the front row of a Barbra Streisand concert."
When asked to substantiate his claim that Professor Klump is a homosexual, Mr Wayne added "Trust me honey, he is Professor Horace Klump the Third - and last."
Professor Klump's scientific credentials also had little impact on Mr. Wayne's assessment of the Nobel Laureate.
"You could go on all day about how that Führer Queen 'did this' or 'did that', but by the time you match your Versace top with your Ferragamo shoes, a 'Bottom Daddy' with a Nobel Prize in Physics is still a Bottom Daddy."
When asked to comment on Mr. Wayne's remarks, Professor Klump became visibly ill and retreated to a restroom.
"It just feels really good to finally have a cause I can call my very own," Neil Patrick Harris concluded while leaving the 'Save the Norwegian Muskrat' fundraiser fundraiser. "And now if you'll excuse me, I've got to get to the other side of LA to attend a Filipino Boll Weevil Rescue Project Dinner".