The Real Circumstances Behind Bill O'Reilly's Departure From Fox News Finally Revealed

According to countless news reports across a multitude of media platforms, Bill O''Reilly of the "The O'Reilly Factor" was fired by Fox News for alleged sexual harassment charges filed by numerous female employees.

But Spooferteria.com has uncovered the actual reasons why Mr. O'Reilly was dismissed from his #1 cable show - and it was all about sexually harassing men rather than women during the taping of one of his shows.

It all began when Mr. O'Reilly, during a commercial break between the "Talking Points Memo' and 'Top Story' segments of his show, summoned Tucker Carlson to his desk and called him "a hunky slice of Midwestern pie".

"It was humiliating", Mr. Carlson said in response during a videotaped deposition. "And I truly felt like Bill was trying to make me his 'boy toy'.

Later on in the broadcast, during the 'Most Ridiculous Item Of The Day' and 'The Run Down' portion of his program, Mr. O'Reilly sneaked away back-stage, cornered Bret Baier and called him "a husky little sexy pot".

"I understand that my 'stocky yet charming' appearance is enough to drive anyone crazy," Mr. Baier conceded. "But when Bill said he'd make me the permanent 'Pinhead' on the 'Pinhead or Patriot" segment of his show if I told anyone about the remark, I simply had to report the unwanted advance to the proper authorities."

Four minutes later, during another break between the 'Impact Segment' and the 'Tip Of The Day' parts of his show, Mr. O'Reilly, according to court documents, pinched Judge Andrew Napolitano's buttock and told him to let his hair go gray again because it made him look "deliciously distinguished".

"My full, vibrant and luscious head of hair should never be the object of sexual desire in the workplace," said Judge Napolitano. "And Bill's harassment was so egregious that even I had to go back to the law books to find out what kind of charges to press."

The final, and perhaps most explicit episode of male-harassment occurred when Mr. O'Reilly invited the Panamanian-born Juan Williams to his dressing room and told him he'd like to "take a mini-cruise up his Panama Canal."

'I've long ago accepted the fact that I'm a hot and sexy Panamanian," said Mr. Williams. "But that doesn't give Bill O'Reilly the right to take advantage of my gorgeous physique while defaming the most popular tourist attraction of my native-born country."

Mr. O'Reilly was quick to respond to the allegations.

"I am not, nor have I ever been gay", he said while having absolutely nothing to do anymore. "And any and all communications I may have had with my former colleagues at Fox News was nothing more than 'extreme male bonding'".

A moment later, Mr. O'Reilly took a hit of ecstasy, donned a Hermès scarf and set off for the White Party in Palm Springs, CA.